5 o'clock shadows

a few days ago my mom asked me "when i was going to get a real life" i did nothing to provoke this remark nor did she seem like she was in that kind of mood. this kind of statement is a sort of stab at my lifestyle which is exactly why she does it. needless to say i didnt have an answer, she continued on about things your supposed to do when you reach my age, or should i say the age im fast approaching. ive watched all my friends move and start living on their own and all that jazz and ive seen whats become of them and i dont want to function like that, in technicality i already am considering im broke maybe a week after i get payed, the only difference between them and me is i spend my money on shit i dont need or some new fangled remedy ive come up with in order to get my car on the working path. i consider my vehicular handicap to be my reason for "not getting a real life" aside from that i have nothing planned for myself, the outline is get a fucking ged then start taking tcc classes for graphic design.. aside from my car i lack any form of motivation what so ever to do any of this. what happens after i take those tcc classes? nothing. im not gonna be some sweet graphic design dude, shit i bet they wont even teach me anything i dont already know, ill just have to pay like 5 grand for a piece of paper proving that i know it. its complete bullshit. but what happens if i dont take those classes? will i be in the same predicament? my mother breathing down my neck about how soon she wants to be alone in this house? cause heyzues knows she has such riviting conversations with my dad and tommy. i dont like to do anything unless im at least halfway sure that the outcome will be in my favor, no matter what the circumstance.. my days bleed together, two weeks feels like 5 days.. wake up-work-scour the internet for shit i dont need-watch movies-sleep- skip breakfast- shower-repeat. ive become almost nocturnal if you notice what time this is posted.. what the hell am i supposed to do...theres nothing i excel in, my uncle put it in a good term - jack of all trades and master of none...im writing this cause its going to help me sleep, it has no meaning deeper than that.. this shit happens a lot of the time, an idea will flow through my head and it wont go away til i check up on it and make sure i know what its about etc.. on rare occasions itll be something i need to get off my brain piece such as this... i dont know what else to write in here but i wish i would have been the creator of this picture
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