holy fuck im impressed, too bad i dont have a pussy to flaunt it

my lifes incomplete. i sat on my computer all night and read all the messages in my myspace inbox/sentbox... by my general standards; i used to be fucking cool...which leaves me to ask the question....did i change for the better or for the worse..as i scanned through the nonsense that reading it now; makes me laugh, i wonder what turned me into who i am.... these messages are essentially a journal of my life for the past 2-3 years... so reading and remembering back to myself was very interesting....mistakes ive made, opportunities ive passed up now look like they were all for things "more important" which in truth were just completely stupid...... i still remember all of it so vividly, its not even fair...how could i have been so stupid.... i see a glint of something better... but i guess that goes with youth.... i cant help but feeling like i didnt challenge myself, i cant say i didnt try to suceed at anything because then i wouldnt have been able to say i changed, which is now the reverse, i dont do anything now-a-days... i feel like ive settled on my life as who i am is who i am.... i felt like i used to have vision and aspirations all amounting more than just getting a new paint job on my car..... i know its ignorant to think this way considering im only 20, but im afraid of who i am.