havent been on here in so long forgot my login crap

too early for me to go to sleep, got class in an hr and a half, couldnt sleep though. something keeps me awake... although once i roll into that classroom and hear the drone of that teachers voice ill be asleep with my head in my hand waking up seconds later trying to figure out what hes talking about now... then its off to bowling.... just bowled last night, wrist hurts from trying to launch a 6 lb bowling ball faster than don.... did it though; 21.69 mph in the 10th frame. just made it.... its always "just made it". while i was laying there trying to go to sleep i thought maybe i should start working out, itd be good and i think itd be a good feeling to be in shape i guess. but like everything else i paused and "whats the point" walked up and i didnt think anymore about the subject, more focused elsewhere, my minds elsewhere... somewhere better, better being somewhere im unaware of... but somewhere better none the less. escape. but what do i have to escape from, theres nothing harsh to my life other than my attitude, no jagged edges, no cliffs, nowhere to get stuck. for that im fortunate, but when everythings solid i think its human nature to want more... im alive for me, so are you so is the person thats prolly in the room right across from you. sugar coat it and pretend like you care, thats the motto for everything. i pity the genuine as much as i envy them, to have the heart for something-anything is great as it is also a waste since there arent to many people to share that feeling with. i wish i was one of those people, we live our lives out of the idea that doing whatever we do will benifit us, im no different neither are you. use your charm, use your arms, however you do it your out to improve something you want/need. i want to know everything i can about people i want to be able to absorb their thoughts, feelings, actions, emotions etc with an understanding of why and for who theyre doing it for. i want to know what evokes thouse thoughts, feelings, actions, emotions etc. i want to plug your head into mine and follow you around all day to feel; how you feel when your disrespected and what values you live by that would explain why youve been disrespected, i want to feel what you feel when youve realized you have control of whatever situation your in at the palm of your hands, feel that power. absorb everything. i think being around drunks is more intriguing than being drunk, your emotional guard, the pressure of not being liked, the welfare of others feelings is completely disregarded and you can say what you want, do what you want, etc, i want to understand why that happens and why people believe theyre not acting out of line when they wouldnt dare do it sober.. shower time.